July 12, 2016
There is this feeling, it washes over you like a cool blanket. It''s a feeling of peace, yet something more. You feel as if you can finally breath, but you don't want to shout for joy. Instead, you can feel your eyes start to get just a tad bit droopy and a yawn creeps up from the depths of your heart. Your muscles start to relax in a way that hasn't happened in so long. You no longer have that weight and feel lighter, as if you could float on like a careless feather on the light, gentile breeze. The only thing that keeps you tethered is the fact that you are still awake. An easy smile spreads your lips as you lay your head on the pillow. Hands are relaxed, your not clutching the blankets in desperation, instead you cradle them in your arms, light and and calm. As you lay there still in bliss you feel the beat of your heart and liken it to the tide of the ocean. Your ocean soul slowly lulls you to sleep as the feeling echos from the core of your self that everything is going to be all right.
~Thoughts of a Dreamer~
One of the biggest lies is that there is nothing to be done about one's own hurting, but this is not the case. The cycle we put ourselves in, that cycle of pain and despair , can be broken; it is a mere matter of choice. There will be those that that claim such a feat is too hard and that some pains go too deep to even repair , but, in my heart, I feel that this is not the case.
One thing that is definitely for sure, is that you have to want it, you have to want happiness and peace, not wallow in a romanticize state of longing where you are comforted by the convenience of fantasy but not ever faced with the reality. There is nothing more shocking and eye opening than confronting that which is reality, even regarding happiness and peace and the idea or fantasy will never amount to the real thing.
So this is the question of what is real? The only way I have ever been able to tell is that I just feel it in the center of my chest, this feeling of completeness and total rightness with the situation. However, you never want to go with what other people consider this feeling to be like; yes you can glean their perspective, but until you find it for you, it is an a ghostly piece of a puzzle that will never truely fit your own, because you are a unique different individual. However, all this is for you to learn, because if we want to break out of the confining ways of sadness and despair , we have to take action and put forth an effort that is real. You owe it to yourself to show all that you have survived and all that you have overcome that you are not giving up. Through this quintessential exertion, we basically sweat the toxins of the negativity the mind possesses and in doing so work through it all to change it. The thing that is even more interesting is that this also helps you learn more and more about your self an how you are always changing. You get to see your own complexity and get taken away by it when you realize who it is that you truly are.
One decision at a time, one step, and before you know it,it will be your second nature until you decide to strive for some better way to be when you feel you have surpassed what you already do. And it may seem monotonous and it may seem like Sisyphus pushing the rock, except it isn't. There is always advancement, there is always more, there is always a next level of self improvement. It's not the same thing, it is different and better because you are moving forward, and every challenge is going to make you stronger for the next. There will be moments of struggle and their will be moments of learning from one's mistakes, but that is life being lived truly with the good and the bad.
You have all that you need in your heart and around you. My parents always tell me to follow my heart and I will never go wrong, and I feel that statement, as far as i'm concerned, is 100% true, because there is always a purpose and sometimes I have the honor of seeing a piece of that purpose. Now that can be truly fulfilling, and help put a mind at ease when thinking about diving into one's own ocean to battle all the sea monsters there to fight for the innocence and love that resides within.
~Thoughts of a Dreamer~
July 7, 2016
Often times it can be seen that people have a cause that they have fought for a while and they start to forget why they even bothered in the first place. This type of forgetting is not linked to the mind but to the heart. The feeling that they previously had that made their heart sing because it fet so incredibly right is lost and replaced with a subtle layer of doubt, fear, cynicism, and exhaustion, all forming a hard concrete layer around their heart leaving them emotionally confused.
This layer on the heart is an illusion bread by your mind slowly over time. It builds like sediment on your heart, as if it were a sunken ship in the ocean. With every negative emotion toward your convictions and every doubtful comment or glance from someone who's opinion means something to you, it adds to it, some quicker than others. The real question to this happenstance is: how does one over come this?
Simply, one has to feel. I know have written posts in the past about feeling and being brave enough to do so to see things differently, but it is also needed to free yourself of your mind and ground your self in your decisions. There are choices we make in life that are, some that can only be, lead with our hearts so if that understanding of feeling gets mucked up there is a potential for loss to occur with one decision.
Just think about it like this: forget their doubt because this is not their life, forget the worry because things will work themselves out as they need to, look how far you have come and discard the tired eyes because you are not done. After this, you search inside your self and you dig deep past the sediment and you open your self up to the 'why' again. Let that fill you up and feel it for a while; literally take some time to just feel the intensity of your convictions and remember them completely. Then, ground yourself in them, and let every knowledgable decision be driven by that feeling. It is better for a person to be driven by what they feel in their heart in a positive way, however, that choice is made on an individual basis, to which only the individual can control.
~Thoughts of a Dreamer~